21st-century food innovation officially has no way to go but up.
With the American public’s collective colons still distended from Friendly’s Grilled Cheese Burger Melt (I deliberately forewent adding a hyperlink there; if you haven’t heard of it by now, then you’re better off, and I won’t be responsible for exposing fresh souls to it), Carl’s Jr. has taken up the cast-down fast food gauntlet. Enter the Carl’s Jr. Foot-long Cheeseburger: a four-dollar fatty consisting of three beef patties smothered with cheese (or for fifty cents more, order a “deluxe”blaster that comes topped with tomatoes, onions, and lettuce – healthy vegetables rendered so utterly redundant by the sandwich’s very nature that their inclusion is almost laughable) on a hoagie-style bun. Word has it that it’s being released as a test sandwich, likely to be picked up as a regular menu item nationwide dependent upon customer response. So by all means, go ahead and schedule that cardiac bypass surgery, then step into your nearest Carl’s Jr. and order up twelve inches of self loathing beefy, cheesy deliciousness.