Learn Mixology the U.S. Forest Service Way with This Awesome Cocktail Chart

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Image: United States Forest Service

Whether the above image can be traced to the profound boredom of several government employees of yesteryear or to particularly focused obsessive personalities of same, the elegant awesome of its design cannot be overstated. What you’ve looking at is said to be an actual document from the United States National Archives’ series “Engineering and Architectural Drawings, 1934-2004”. This “Cocktail Construction” chart, dated 1974, was created complete with an ingredient legend and is credited to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Forest Service, Region 8.

If this story had come out five days earlier, I’d have thought it an elaborate April Fools’ prank. That it bears signature by the likes of “I Mixum” and “Jim Beam” would have done little but reinforce that view. Up until recently, its veracity was being met with skepticism, although such claims are said to have been nullified following apparent confirmation from a National Archives employee and expanded backstory published in Esquire Magazine last week. Even if it had turned out that the image was the work of someone having a laugh with us, surely the level of commitment necessary to have wrought it in such detail is deserving of respect. Here there be dedication to drink as well as humor. Here there be a level of quiet, quaffable whimsy measured with precision and, maybe, served with an occasional twist of lime.

Color this devoted sot’s breath taken, mind blown, battleship sunk, and worldview broadened. Color me thirsty too, because COCKTAILS, y’all!

As of this writing, 11 x 14-inch matted prints of this magnificence (available for $14.95 from the National Archives website) are said to be back-ordered until April 13, 2015. That’s not quite one week away, so challenge accepted. Last one to obtain a copy is a rotten Alexander*…

*(Please God, don’t let “Rotten Alexander” be some kind of deviant sexual euphemism…)
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